An unplanned pregnancy comes with many difficult decisions, and many will consider giving a child for adoption. Some decide to begin raising the child, but due to a variety of life circumtances, they may find their way into foster care. In each case, biological parents and adoptive families will need to create a plan about the level of communication that will benefit everyone involved, especially the child. The path you choose is very personal, but you don’t need to make it alone.

Levels of communication between biological and adoptive parents are broken down into three choices. Each offers different levels of interaction and has pros and cons. Making a loving plan will allow everyone to enter into an agreement with clear expectations. Ultimately, as the birth mother, you need to choose what makes you feel the most comfortable.

Open Adoptions

Generally, open adoption means there is ongoing contact between the birth and adoptive parents after the process is complete. Both parties work with an attorney to draw up a contract so that the agreement is in writing. Most adoptions in the US are open to some degree. This option continues to evolve as researchers study the benefits of continued contact.

Pros:

• It reassures you that you have done what is best for the child.
• The child knows their background, and there are no secrets.

Cons:

• Boundaries can be blurred or contractual agreements misinterpreted by one party.
• Expectations may not be met by one or both sides.

Semi-Open Adoptions

In a semi-open adoption, non-identifying information can be exchanged between the birth and adoptive parents. Typically, it is facilitated by a third party. It is a middle-ground option for birth parents who do not want to cut off all communication but are not ready to be in direct contact.

Pros:

• Privacy on both sides is protected.
• You continue to hear about your child’s well-being, offering peace of mind.

Cons:

• Contact may be lost over time.
• Technology makes complete privacy difficult.

Closed Adoptions

Closed adoption does not allow any identifying information to be exchanged, the parties do not meet each other, and there is no contact once the adoption is finalized. It is truly an anonymous process. Closed adoptions are becoming less common. Depending on state laws, the birth mother may request more communication should she change her mind.

Pros:

• Allows for closure and for you to move on with your life.
• It reduces feelings of doubt stirred up through regular communication.

Cons:

• The child will not know their background, including medical history.
• You may experience lingering feelings of curiosity about the child.

Giving a child for adoption is an emotional time, regardless of the age of the child, and adoption choices may seem overwhelming. The level of ongoing communication you want to maintain with the adoptive parents is an important decision. Heart of Adoption Alliance caseworkers will be by your side through the process and place you with a match who agrees with and respects your wishes. Contact us to discuss concerns at [email protected]. We will find your child a loving home providing a level of interaction with which you feel comfortable.